Toccata's Journal

In the same hiding place as her most secret treasures lays a journal - a great risk and a personal necessity. The journal has perhaps three score entries, each from a major point in her life. The first, regarding the Shunning and rescue by The Order of the Broken Mask, sets the pattern for all that follow. The only names used are her own, and they are more about processing than recounting.

When I arrived and took my place as Seven Veils Toccata, I told myself that I knew it was temporary. All secrets end, and, eventually, I would be discovered and have to move on, assuming I escaped at all. But, years went by without a single mishap. Perhaps I became complacent, but surely being discovered, however partially, by E should have cured me of that. Yet, once again he has discerned my secrets.

Part of the reason I was attired thus was to ensure that the suspicion never crossed anyone's mind. I disguised my voice, my hair, and spoke but little. Yet, still I spoke. Why, Svanna, did you speak to the person there who knows you best? Why not speak to that priest... But, to him I spoke naught, though that would have been the path of wisdom, as we had scarce been introduced previously.

Perhaps I refrained because he is such an impressive martial artist. I am skilled, of course, but he has advanced beyond me. And so I saw in him an unknown threat and thus revealed myself to E. And, I still don't know how he discerned my identity. That man is simply too clever by half. I suppose I am grateful that he is an honest and upright man.

I don't know if he knows that I know that he knows, and I am not going to ask. Opening that door may lead to questions, and I will not answer them. And, fortunately, we have bigger problems. I am not Guard, I am not a housecarl, yet I still live here, and I have no desire to live under the thumb of The Realm. Something is amiss, and I think they are planning a rat's invasion.

At least remained collected. I carried only my blades, left home my chain, and stayed well away from them. Well, I did until I saw them corner A. I think I might have been mistaken in their intentions, or, I hope I am, but he is a sweet and impressionable boy, and starved for approval. I didn't hear much, but there are few reasons to wave over an impressive archer and make a show of generous brotherhood except to manipulate the emotions of a boy like A.

Still, I am proud of my response. A plan, executed with no notice and carried off flawlessly. Though, the wine-repelling nature of his person was a bit of a let down. And it cost me a strained ankle. But, I snuck up on a Dynast and lied to his face - and got away with it. And I snatched A away from them. And, I made sure he was safe, at least that night. I wish it hadn't been such a blow to his ego, but better depressed then inveigled.

I think I need be ready to disappear without notice. I hope it will be unnecessary, but things could become very unstable, very fast. Still, while Toccata may vanish, I will see this through. Hopefully, the Dynasts will leave and never return, but if they need resisting, I will comply. And, if we fail, and I live... I know not. I am not a guard or a housecarl. My oaths are not to this city and my cause is not its defense.

Then again, the stories one hears of the Realm, of the jaded lifestyle of Dynasts, of the actions they tolerate or endorse... I suppose one should not be surprised. They are Dynasts, told from the cradle that they are the living embodiment of moral rectitude. How convenient, to have a religion tell you that you are inherently enlightened and that all about must follow your example with proper humility, for the good of Creation and themselves, of course.

If they take the city, there may be even more work for me than usual, though Toccata will likely be unavailable. Still, I am comfortable in the Shadows, and I may be able to do much before they find and eliminate me. And, after all, what little life and happiness I have built for myself lies within these walls, and I will not relinquish it lightly.