WtAF Eloise Journal DT4

Session 13 (05/06/2015)

October 10th, 2014

Dear Luther,

I will never admit it to the children (God, they would hate it that I think of them as such, but I can't help it), but I am utterly haunted. Not in the way one might think, considering what we do. No, I'm haunted by what happened...and by what should have happened.

I related to you what happened in my last journal entry: the demon, the woman, and the damage to that family.

But what should have happened? We should have known enough to know it was a demon from the beginning. That family should never have had to go through that. Yes, they all survived, but at what cost? And as I think of that poor institutionalized woman never again permitted near her child or husband? That family, who think their beloved mother and wife lost her mind and tried to kill them?

When I think of them, I cannot help but think of myself as we were researching. I was lackadasical, Luther. So unconcerned. This sort of research was pedestrian to me at that moment, so much so that I really paid more attention to my wineglass than I did to the texts in front of me.

Is this why you never told me, Luther? Is this why you never let me share your hunt, because I was the sort of person who could get drunk instead of researching the nature and signs of evil spirits?

I am so deeply ashamed, Luther. It makes me weep even now, just to think of it.

But now? Now I'm on fire, Luther. I know what it is to have a crusade, I feel - a holy endeavor. I am the one who owns all of these books, and I'm very capable when I set my mind to it. So, I've sworn off alcohol, particularly during hunts. When we have quarry, I don't even look at the stuff.

And I'm reading, Luther. Obsessively, perhaps, but I just...I have so much to make up for. And next time? Next time, I will know. I will see the signs, and I will know what it is we are facing, and we will be ready. God as my witness.

I love and miss you dearly still, my Luther. Would that you were here to keep me from these mistakes, and to see me turn them around and do so much better.

October 19th, 2014

Dear Luther,

We've had a great deal of time. Life goes on, of course. We've had a hunt involving a relatively young vampire, which we handled with aplomb and skill. Well, if we're being honest, they handled it. There was nothing to prepare for, nothing to research, and I waited behind the wheel as I'm supposed to.

I've continued my research - several hours every day. I have read an incredible selection of lore, and tried to commit as much of it to memory as I can. We will be well-researched. I've also started keeping a set of notebooks of my own, a slim black leatherbound journal for each of the kinds of creatures involved, as well as another notebook for "occult and folkloric miscellanea," if you will.

But this time has gotten me thinking. The caution your group undertook, the careful contingencies and secrecy...and how it availed none of you at all. So, I'm going to make us harder to kill, by making us not difficult to find, but too important to make disappear.

We need influence for this hunt, Luther. We need influence and wealth and connections to allow us to make this work, and I'm going to get it. I thought for a moment about restarting your business, but let's be honest: I know nothing about heavy industry. I remember that you used to joke that I was the one who really ran the business, and I would insist that all I did was throw parties, dinners, and keep the little black book of important phone numbers.

But all jesting aside, that was the thing I was best at. But that is nothing to be scoffed at, my research has revealed to me. There are people in important places in society whose main jobs are arranging parties and the like - usually for good causes. Professional philanthropists, who take in good tax-reducing donations from the rich they know, and apportion that around to well-deserving charities and social justice causes. They are entire firms who handle the charity drives, marketing, and media presence for these efforts, and take their cut as well.

I could do that, you know. Very capably. It's something I'm thinking on, because I don't want to rush into anything. Mostly, I've been continuing to keep up my presence in local society, but (considering how fulfilling the hunt is), it is starting to ring a little hollow, if I'm being truthful. But this? This has promise.

I love and miss you, Luther. I'm learning as much about the hunt as I can from your notes, but I shall also carry out the hunt in other ways, in ways that cater to my own strengths.

October 29th, 2014

• Mark Lindstrom and group training
• The new training room